Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I will be naked everywhere
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
