At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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