I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
