so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
barbara walters just said penis...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
