You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
