Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
