HIV tests are more positive than that guy
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
