i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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