Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
