did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I wish you could order shots online.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
