if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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