apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
