Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just found puke in my bra..
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
