Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
