We won't sleep together?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
