and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
