Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
