So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
