I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
