I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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