You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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