She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
