WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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