You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
