just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
