Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
