ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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