My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
