oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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