ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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