Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
