i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
