He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
