mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
