I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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