We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just sucked dick on a ferry
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
