Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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