I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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