just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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