I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
