Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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