There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
what day is it and did you see me today?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
