my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
