dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
