remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
