how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
