I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
