ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
