at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
