if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
