What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
