You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
