Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
