True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
