I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
